To Save Sex Education Under Trump, Amaze.org Is Turning to New Media

Back in September, I attended a launch party for a groundbreaking sex ed website. Geared towards middle schoolers, Amaze.org serves up a collection of short videos tackling the standard puberty topics (acne, wet dreams, boobs, periods, and the like) alongside edgier material like masturbation, sexual orientation, and even gender identity. It’s never too early to learn what cisgender means!

At the time, Amaze felt pioneering, but ultimately on trend. A few months prior, Obama had cut funding for abstinence-only sex education, strengthening America’s support for comprehensive, fact-based sex ed. Being queer in the public eye seemed more trendy than treacherous. And even as states passed bills legalizing discrimination against trans people, trans kids were popping up on magazine covers, reality shows, and evenModern Family. Sure, it was clear we had a ways to go, but America finally felt like it was on the right track when it came to sex education and sexual freedom.

And then, of course, Trump got elected.

As 2016 gave way to 2017, I found myself thinking about Amaze again. What is the future of progressive sex education in a country with a vice president who considers condoms to be “poor protection against [STIs],” a healthcare policy advisor who thinks birth control causes abortions, a potential Health and Human Services Secretary who doesn’t believe in women’s reproductive freedom, and an Education Secretary who’d just like to scrap this whole public school experiment entirely?

When it comes to school-based or government funded sex education, we’re likely looking at a return to the abstinence-obsessed Bush era–or possibly something worse. "Under the Bush administration, I would worry about whether they’d get rid of sex ed. Under this administration I’m worried they’re going to get rid of public school," said Deb Hauser, president of Advocates for Youth, one of the organizations that helped create Amaze.

But even as school based sexual health initiatives find themselves on rocky footing, there’s still reason to hold out hope for the success of programs like Amaze. Whatever slings and arrows the Trump Administration may throw at comprehensive sex education, the public school system, and even our very notions of basic human decency, the programs of today are much better positioned to connect with young people than they were in the Bush years.

Internet-based sex ed isn’t anything new: the late 1990s saw the launch of Scarleteen and Go Ask Alice!, and many sites have joined their ranks since. But widespread access to the internet—especially the relatively private access offered by a smartphone or tablet—is a fairly recent development, and it’s made it much easier for online sex education programs to expand their reach.

Amaze also debuted in a much different digital environment than Bush era sex education sites, one where YouTube and Instagram stars have a direct line to the young internet users, and offer a much more effective promotional strategy than SEO strategizing, online marketing, and word of mouth.

The stigma around sharing sex info is starting to subside.

The Amaze team has happily taken advantage, coupling its outreach to schools and other institutional forces with partnerships with digital influencers. YouTubers Brendan Jordan, Haley Pham, Damon and Jo, and Conan Gray have pitched in to help promote the project online. So far, the strategy seems to be working: three months post launch, Amaze has over 4000 YouTube followers, with most videos getting viewed several thousand times (the most popular one has over 200k views). (For comparison, the 19-year-old Scarleteen gets about 5 million visitors per year.)

Of course, reaching thousands of teens means far less if Amaze is merely duplicating the solid sex education they’re already receiving through school. But there’s reason to believe the project’s found followers in some of America’s sex education deserts. According to Hauser, the Amaze web site is most popular in Alaska, Virginia, Montana, Oklahoma, and Delaware, an encouraging finding given that Alaska and Oklahoma do not require their schools to provide sex education, and Delaware, Montana, and Virginia don’t require their in school sex ed to be medically accurate.

And it’s not just YouTube stars who’ve helped expand Amaze’s reach. Online sex education has long been hampered by the taboo of talking about sex in public. Being present on Facebook or Twitter or Tumblr doesn’t mean much if no one’s comfortable sharing your content, or even following your account.

But the stigma around sharing sex info is starting to subside. “I think the conversation about sex has opened up quite a bit,” said Thea Eigo, a Phoenix-based teen who’s worked with Amaze.

Eigo cites fights against slut shaming as just one of the signs that young people are more comfortable embracing their sexuality and talking openly about sex. In her opinion, her peers have taken their cues from our increasingly sex positive culture and begun to open up about sexual health and gender identities in ways that past generations didn’t get to. If she’s right, that cultural shift, combined with robust online communities, could do a great deal to strengthen the fight for progressive, honest communication about sexuality in America.

It’s easy to feel pessimistic about the future of American sexual freedom. I’ve certainly done my fair share of doomsaying over the past few months. But in chatting with the Amaze team, I found myself feeling, well, at least a little bit of hope. The internet’s distribution networks aren’t going to disappear overnight, and the cultural shift that originally made Amaze’s thoughtful, queer and trans inclusive messaging feel on trend won’t subside simply because Trump’s now in office.

There’s no question that the job of progressive sex educators will be a great deal harder than it would have been under a President Clinton. But knowing that, at least in some ways, it stands to be substantially easier than it was under President Bush is a rare bit of comfort during some pretty trying times.

from To Save Sex Education Under Trump, Amaze.org Is Turning to New Media

Cracking Down on Backpage Adult Has Only Made Sex Workers’ Lives Harder

On Tuesday, I woke up to some terrible news. Backpage, a text-based classified ad service not unlike Craigslist, had just finally shuttered its adult services section. Though the news wasn’t exactly a shock, given that Backpage’s CEO had been arrested for pimping last October, it was still a harsh blow for any sex worker who’d been reliant on new business from the website. Like, for instance, my friend Bella Vendetta.

By her own admission, Vendetta, a lifestyle and professional dominatrix based in New England, isn’t the type of sex worker one associates with Backpage. Over email, she told me that other pro dommes have been surprised to learn about her ads there, saying that “they thought I was somehow higher caliber than the new Craigslist [Erotic Services].”

Backpage ads have never been classy: with their limited text and headline first approach, they force sex workers to cater to their clients' baser instincts. Unlike glossy alternatives such as Slixa (which, full disclosure, sponsored a burlesque show I produced a few years back), where ads feel more like dating profiles than escort listings, Backpage’s offerings aren’t particularly upscale. (For a better sense of what I mean, check out some of the listings at Backpage Canada, where the adult section is still in operation.)

Backpage's Adult section as it stands today.

But for sex workers advertising on Backpage, the service’s shortcomings have never really mattered. The value Backpage offered sex workers was far greater than any sleek and polished ad: cheap listings, high volume of potential clients, and plenty of new business. Since the shuttering of Craigslist Erotic Services in 2010, Backpage became one of the best known sites for anyone looking to secure a sex worker. And though that notoriety meant users had to sift through a higher percentage of time wasters and cheapskates, it also meant a whole bunch more business than many competing sites could offer, all for just a few bucks an ad.

For Domme Discordia, Backpage has consistently been the one site where the return on investment was sufficient to support her expensive vocation. “I've had an active ad for real time sessions in the BDSM section of Backpage in my area for the past five years,” she told me, noting that “I also took out Backpage ads in cities where I planned on traveling."

"I paid extra for auto-repost and a sponsored ad every time, because it was totally worth it," she continued. "There was never any worry over whether a Backpage ad would be a good investment. It was super affordable, had tons of traffic, and the tribute for booking just one session would cover the advertising cost many times over.”

People using Backpage for survival sex work are the least likely to have the resources and ability to put together a backup plan

Client volume and cheap ads weren’t the only thing Backpage brought to the table. It also made it easier for small town escorts to get into the game. Over at Slixa, sex workers can post ads in just 46 cities (and just over 30 states); while Eros is a bit more widespread, it still doesn’t have the same coverage as Backpage. (Neither Eros nor Slixa has any coverage in Alaska. In contrast, Backpage offers listings for Anchorage, Fairbanks, Juneau, and the Kenai Peninsula.)

Ann Arbor, the home base of Bex, a trans sex worker I spoke with, doesn’t make Slixa’s cut. The closest city is Detroit, where posting an ad brings complications beyond just extra travel time. As a white trans woman doing sex work in Ann Arbor, Bex is something of a rarity. On Backpage she could just pay for an ad and wait until it expired, without ever worrying about paying to bump it back to the top of the page. Interested clients were able to find her through that unicorn status alone. In a larger market, she’s more likely to get lost in the shuffle, making it harder (or at least more expensive) to secure the seven to fifteen clients per month she relied on to cover many of her essential expenses.

Bex at least has a day job to fall back on, albeit an underpaying one. Others aren’t so lucky. And while it may be tempting to say that Backpage users should have seen this day coming—the government wasn’t particularly covert about its investigation of the site’s adult sections—people using Backpage for survival sex work are the least likely to have the resources and ability to put together a backup plan. If Backpage was just barely covering your day-to-day expenses, setting aside a few hundred bucks to test the waters on other, less-trafficked sites can seem like a decadent luxury rather than basic business sense.

Amidst the voices of panic and sex workers struggling to figure out their next move, I did hear from one person who’s holding out hope that this story might result in a positive outcome for sex workers. Though Toronto-based escort Rebecca Winter doesn’t want to minimize the very real hardship faced by Backpage users, particularly those in the unenviable situation of figuring out how to pay rent or heating bills in the midst of a brutal winter, she’s hopeful that this shut down could spark the rise of a site that offers sex workers something even better than Backpage.

“Perhaps a site like Slixa that’s run by women?” she suggested. “Perhaps a site run by sex workers as a not for profit to support sex worker health initiatives such as STI testing, abortion access, and birth control?”

Only time will tell if Winter’s optimism is warranted. But even if the sex work community doesn’t coalesce around some utopian, sex worker-first site, it will coalesce around something. The shuttering of Craigslist Casual Encounters didn’t end the sex industry, and neither will the end of Backpage Adult. The demand for sex work is strong enough to sustain the industry, even in the face of repeated government crackdowns. The tragedy is how many vulnerable, marginalized sex workers are rendered casualties in the ongoing war between the Department of Justice and the world’s oldest profession.

from Cracking Down on Backpage Adult Has Only Made Sex Workers’ Lives Harder

This Innovative Vibrator Will Be the First Sex Toy on Kickstarter

This past April, I sat in the Greenpoint office of Dame Products, a Brooklyn-based sex toy company known for their hands-free vibrator, Eva, looking over 3D-printed prototypes of what would eventually become Dame’s second product, Fin.

At the time, I was mostly intrigued by Dame’s promise of a toy that would transform the “finger vibe” space, offering couples a small yet powerful vibrator ergonomically designed to comfortably rest between two fingers, secured to the hand with an optional, removable tether. I had no idea that Fin was poised to shake up much more than just a small corner of the overcrowded sex toy market. But on Thursday, Fin will be going where no sex toy has gone before: Kickstarter.

Even as IndieGogo has become home to countless crowdfunded vibrators (including Dame’s first product, Eva, which still holds the record for most successful sex toy project on IndieGogo), Kickstarter has remained steadfast in its no erotic products stance.

Historically, there’ve been some logistical barriers preventing Kickstarter from being sex-friendly, including the fact that Amazon Payments, the platform’s initial payment processor, has a ban on “adult oriented products and services.” But even after switching to sex toy friendly Stripe, Kickstarter has refused to approve XXX tech projects—at least when those products specifically present themselves as sex toys.

Dame staff show off a mold used in toy develoment. Image: Xavier Aaronson/Motherboard

(MinnaLife’s kGoal, which is marketed as a smart kegel trainer but could easily be used for sexual pleasure, was successfully funded on Kickstarter in the summer of 2014; in the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I offer consulting services to MinnaLife and worked on the kGoal Kickstarter project.)

So how did Dame manage to thaw the freeze on erotic products? “Kickstarter is literally around the block from us,” Alexandra Fine, cofounder of Dame Products, told me. “We know them.”

As the Dame team bonded with their neighbors at Kickstarter, they chatted about Dame’s longstanding desire to make use of the crowdfunding platform, and how important it felt to breakdown the barriers against sex toys on Kickstarter. After all, as Fine put it, “We’re makers too.” Over the course of many conversations, their colleagues at Kickstarter began to agree.

Take away their company’s erotic focus, and Dame’s identical to just about any other startup crowdfunding on Kickstarter. Their Greenpoint office building is home to photo studios, tech startups, artist galleries, and coworking spaces. Janet Lieberman, Dame’s CTO and other cofounder, is a veteran of innovative companies like MakerBot, MindsInSync, and Quirky. Her years of experience as a mechanical engineer have helped Dame distinguish itself with a thoughtful product design process that’s led to innovative, ergonomic sex toys unlike anything else on the market.

A 3D printed prototype of Fin. Image: Xavier Aaronson/Motherboard

In the months that I followed Fin’s evolution, I watched Dame go through a product development process similar to that of many other consumer products. Back in April, Lieberman and Fine were still determining what Fin would be shaped like. In their office, I tried on multiple prototypes, offering feedback on which designs felt the most comfortable against my fingers.

Months later, Lieberman presented me with an alpha model of Fin and invited me to take it home for a test run. Like other alpha testers, I was given a survey that asked for feedback on my experience as a user: How comfortable was the product? How intuitive was its design? Did I prefer to have a permanent tether, no tether, or a detachable tether? And, of course, how pleasurable were the vibrations?

As an experienced (and, to be honest, pretty jaded) sex toy reviewer, I wasn’t expecting to have my mind blown by Fin. Though well-designed vibrators are always a plus, there are, shall we say, only so many ways to come. So it was actually a bit of a surprise to find myself really engaged by Fin—not so much because of the vibration itself, or some transformative form of sexual stimulation, but because it was just so damn convenient.

Nestled between my fingers (minus the tether, for the record), Fin was easy and comfortable to use. It’s a vibrator that’s easy to integrate into some good old-fashioned manual stimulation, making it far more comfortable than the many toys that must be held at an awkward angle, or require you to keep your arm just so in order to get the party started.

A selection of the different shapes considered for Fin. Image: Xavier Aaronson/Motherboard

And that was just an early prototype. As Fin progressed from alpha to beta, Dame broadened the range of motor speeds, removing the unpopular middle option and adding an additional lower speed to the mix. Lieberman also played around with the properties of each vibration setting to make them feel more powerful.

And as for the tether? Data suggested that a removable tether would be the most popular option, leading Lieberman to focus on improving the security of the tether’s attachment, and making it easier to attach and remove. Fine and Lieberman won’t know how consumers feel about the product until it officially hits the market, but their pool of beta testers seem happy with the changes.

Given Dame’s Brooklyn ties, maker cred, and the upscale feel of its products, it feels like a no brainer that Fin would be the first product to break Kickstarter’s sex toy barrier. But as Kickstarter opens the door to Dame, it’s now faced with the question of what to do about the many other sex toy creators itching to make use of their platform. Given the site’s reputation for curation, it’s unlikely that Kickstarter will go the IndieGogo route and start letting in any sex toy project. But that means Kickstarter will have to create guidelines that map out what, exactly, makes for a Kickstarter quality sex toy project. And that’s a task that’s easier said than done.

When reached for comment about Fin and the possibility of other sex toys being funded through the platform, Justin Kazmark, Kickstarter’s vice president of communications, responded that, “Dame is making something new and innovative, and in that spirit we’re happy to welcome them to Kickstarter. We’ll continue to allow projects like this on a case by case basis.”

Fin with its tether. Image: Xavier Aaronson/Motherboard

Sitting in the Dame office, I asked Fine for her thoughts on what kind of projects Kickstarter should throw its support behind, a question the Kickstarter team has asked her as well. Fine’s leery of making categorical statements about what is and isn’t a Kickstarter level project—while she, personally, might find anatomical sex toys distasteful, she recognizes that they appeal to many people—but feels that, at a minimum, all Kickstarter-supported sex toys should be quality products using body-safe materials. Beyond that requirement, however, Fine feels that “it’s really about what lines up with [their] brand as Kickstarter.”

But it’s not always easy to say who, exactly, fits that mold. Very Intelligent Ecommerce Inc, the company behind the Autoblow, could easily argue that they’re in line with Kickstarter’s maker focused philosophy, but their lowbrow marketing strategies—including a penchant for “beauty contests” for vulvas, scrotums, and buttholes—don’t quite align with Kickstarter’s family-friendly vibe.

An injection mold for toy development. Image: Xavier Aaronson/Motherboard

On the other end of the spectrum are products like the Semenette, an anatomically-inspired squirting strap-on made from medical grade materials that’s intended to help make the experience of artificial insemination a little more loving and intimate. In spite of her bias against graphically sexual products, Fine feels that this is exactly the kind of product Kickstarter should endorse—though she struggled to put into words what, exactly, it is about the Semenette that sets it apart.

“[Semenette creator Stephanie Berman is] not a big company mass producing something, her product is innovative,” Fine explained. And there’s also the fact that Berman’s product isn’t just about churning out orgasms: it’s specifically designed to help queer couples experience artificial insemination in the same kind of intimate, loving environment many heterosexual couples take for granted.

As challenging as these decisions are to make, Fine feels that it’s important for Kickstarter to continue to engage with the sex toy industry, and bring more projects onto the Kickstarter platform.

“When you just cut off a whole industry the way the sex toy industry tends to get cut off, you’re just... keeping everybody in the shade," Fine said, adding that it's a strategy that reinforces the industry’s status as a “shady business.” The more Kickstarter embraces and encourages sex toy makers to be a part of their community, the more they’ll encourage sex toy makers to create quality, innovative, body-safe products that live up to Kickstarter standards, something that can only benefit and improve the lives of sex toy fans everywhere.

But even if the crowdfunding giant’s experiment with sexual pleasure never goes beyond Fin, it’s still significant progress for the sex toy industry, especially if this move inspires other tech companies to stop stigmatizing sexual pleasure. Fin isn’t just a new spin on the finger vibe. It’s a crucial step (or whatever the finger version of steps are) in the movement to lead sex toy makers into the mainstream.

from This Innovative Vibrator Will Be the First Sex Toy on Kickstarter

The Whole VR Porn Industry Is Talking About These Patent Lawsuits

For the past few years, the media’s been abuzz about the promise of VR porn. VR technology keeps getting better and more affordable, and adult entrepreneurs are eager to find a medium that might actually make them money. Throw in the fact that the immersive properties of VR are ideal for the intimate experience of porn viewing, and it starts to seem like a perfect storm for the future of high-tech erotic entertainment.

What force could possibly derail the adult industry’s virtual reality dreams? Well, for starters, patents.

Two weeks ago, the National Law Review reported that Virtual Immersion Technologies LLC had begun enforcing patent 6409599, an incredibly broad patent for an “interactive virtual reality performance theater entertainment system.” The patent is at the heart of a handful of active lawsuits—including one related to VR porn, and another about teledildonics—and other VR companies, even those that haven’t been sued themselves, are beginning to panic.

What’s covered by the patent? Potentially, a lot of things: if you’re considering making “an entertainment and/or educational experience” that a group of people can enjoy “through VR display devices such as a head mounted display,” your idea’s likely covered by this patent. The abstract references both live and pre-recorded content, as well as the possibility of controlling the action through handheld devices or voice commands; technically, pretty much any VR entertainment system could be seen as falling into territory covered by patent 6409599.

The "'599 patent" was originally framed as being for a theater entertainment system, but could potentially cover VR performances more generally.

The patent’s life began in 2002, when it was originally assigned to the Missouri-based Ham On Rye Technologies, Inc, the creators of a virtual reality theater that got some press attention in the mid-90s. Yet in spite of that promising start, Ham On Rye doesn’t seem to have been too invested in its patent: records show that through the first thirteen years of its existence, the patent lapsed twice, due to nonpayment of maintenance fees.

In late 2015, patent 6409599 became the property of another Missouri company, 3D Immersive Interactive Insights, LLC, who held for eight months before transferring control to the Texas-based Virtual Immersion Technologies this past August. Now that it's in control of the patent, Virtual Immersion Technologies seems determined to make use of it—if not by producing its own VR entertainment system, then at least by suing others who are creating their own.

VirtuaDolls and its peers are targets for patent trolling because sex-related startups rarely have enough funding to find a long legal battle

What’s the fallout of all these legal action? VirtuaDolls and Girls of Arcadia, a crowdfunded VR porn game that raised over $100,000 this past spring, offers an example of just how panicked some members of the industry are.

In the weeks since Virtual Immersion Technologies began pursuing litigation, Eos Creative Group LLC has removed virtually all information from their crowdfunding campaign page (“VirtuaDolls Game Controller” is the only descriptive text remaining, and the VirtuaDolls name has been removed from the project title) and are refusing to comment publicly about the situation. (Backers who post comments and questions on the crowdfunding page are even admonished and instructed to communicate with the team via email only.)

None of which suggests a promising future for VirtuaDolls. But will the impact of this patent be felt beyond the shuttering of one crowdfunded VR porn game? It wouldn’t be the first time that the sex industry has dealt with patent trolling: a handful of teledildonics and smart sex toy manufacturers got slapped with legal action last year.

This initial lawsuit has a few VR porn companies scared and trying to figure out what their next move should be. One executive who I spoke with, who asked to remain anonymous due to fears of legal retribution, told me that, prior to this lawsuit, he hadn’t even been aware of the patent’s existence. Since the lawsuit hit the press, his company has been trying to figure out what effect it might have on their future plans; another company reached for comment seemed similarly taken aback by the lawsuit news.

It’s possible that the existing lawsuits are the only ones that will be filed, and that other VR porn projects will manage to remain under the radar, or at least legally license the patent and go about fulfilling our XXX VR dreams. But if Virtual Immersion Technologies is anything like TZU Technologies (holder of the aforementioned, and somewhat infamous, teledildonics patent, which has been responsible for more litigation than innovation), the current lawsuit could be just the beginning—and that could be a serious boner killer for anyone with fantasies of living out their fantasies in beautiful, immersive VR.

The Girls of Arcadia crowdfunding page has been stripped down following a patent lawsuit.

Last year, TZU Technologies went on a bit of a rampage, suing a number of companies it considered to be in violation of its patent (and killing at least one off in the process). It’s worth noting that at least one company got TZU to back down from litigation. But tellingly, that company was Kickstarter, and not a small, sex-focused startup.

This points to one of the more troubling aspects of these legal shenanigans: companies like VirtuaDolls and their peers are excellent targets for patent trolling largely because, as small startups, they don’t have the resources to see litigation through to its end point, and are far more likely to pay up (and, potentially, shut down).

It’s telling that Virtual Immersion Technologies—which, given the patent’s broad focus, could theoretically go after a wide range of VR entertainment companies—has chosen to target adult-oriented VR projects, produced by companies far less capable of defending themselves from litigation than, say, Facebook, or other large scale players in the VR market.

There are already a number of barriers that keep smart, innovative people from creating thoughtful XXX tech: between the stigma of working in the adult industry and the declining profits, it’s harder and harder to make a case for taking the risk on porn-focused tech. If patent trolling becomes a going concern in the field, that could be one more thing that keeps smart people from creating hot fantasies for technophile pervs. And if that happens, the real losers will be us.

from The Whole VR Porn Industry Is Talking About These Patent Lawsuits

How the Kinky and Rich Get Off

Damon Lawner. Image: The1point8

Early this month, I found myself on the penthouse floor of a swank SoHo hotel, being greeted by a fit, stylish Matthew McConaughey type wearing nothing but a towel. It wasn’t how I’d expected my morning to go—but with Damon Lawner, the founder of one of Los Angeles’s most luxurious sex parties, nothing is ever quite what you’d expect.

Of all of life’s little luxuries, sex is easily the most affordable. Yet just because sex can be free, that doesn’t mean there aren’t people out there offering luxury upgrades on the experience. If you’re looking to spend a month’s rent (or more) on accessorizing and amplifying your sex life, there are plenty of options out there for you: $15,000 vibrators. Multi-million dollar bras. Elite sex parties where you can rub elbows (and maybe even genitals) with the cream of the crop.

But what are people paying for when they purchase these items? Does dropping several grand on a sexual experience actually lead to a better orgasm? Or, like so much conspicuous consumption, is the real pleasure in spending that much money on sex simply the thrill of knowing you’re loaded enough to afford do so?

Let’s start with the the world of sex parties for the ultra wealthy. As a plebe myself, I’ve mostly had access to sex parties of the not particularly elite type. But thanks to a friend, I was able to score an introduction to Lawner and SNCTM, his GOOP-approved “erotic theater.” Channeling Eyes Wide Shut, SNCTM is a traveling party where masked members in formal wear can watch a performance troupe put on a sexy show—and then retire to private rooms (or public areas) to put on a show of their own.

Lawner stresses that SNCTM is not a sex party. You could certainly be forgiven if the fact that it is, in fact, a party where guests are allowed, and even encouraged, to have sex gives you “looks like a duck, quacks like a duck” vibes.

What Lawner seems to mean when he asserts he’s not throwing a sex party is that getting access to sex itself isn’t why people shell out upwards of $75,000 annually to attend his monthly events. As Lawner told me, anyone capable of throwing around that much cash is likely able to get laid (and at a significantly lower price point). So what does that amount of money—which works out to around $6250 per event—get you?

It seems to be a mix of benefits. While more average sex parties might trot out a burlesque performer or two to dance in the middle of a hotel room, SNCTM offers a cast of ten female performers, whose erotic offerings are showcased with professional quality lighting, sets, and costumes.

Curation is another perk: not just in terms of who your fellow party guests will be (though Lawner takes pride in ensuring a good mix among the hundred party attendees), but also when it comes to your experience at the event. Lawner recounted tales of enabling guests to explore fantasies—like, say, a woman who wants to experience double penetration—by connecting them with other guests who might be a suitable match.

Lawner at his house in LA. Image: The1point8

“My role there is definitely a facilitator, and an introducer, like a conductor almost. A conductor as in music and a conductor as in electricity. Plugging in the right people and conducting the symphony,” Lawner tells me. Rather than opening the doors to the party and expecting everyone to fend for themselves, Lawner actively works to make sure everyone’s having the best possible time—as do his cast members. “Their role, more than anything, is to get people turned on and interacting with each other.”

And then, of course, there’s privacy. Members who buy in at that $75,000 level (who Lawner claims include a number of notable names) get access to special rooms where they can explore their fantasies away from the prying eyes of the normals.

"Some [high level members] are extremely recognizable, especially in LA, and they need to have spaces where they can hide out—where the masquerade masks come off. Even in a room full of people that have been screened and approved… sometimes you have people that are superstar sort of people, and they just feel more comfortable having their own space.”

Lawner's house in LA. Image: The1Point8

It should be noted that while you can spend thousands of dollars to attend SNCTM, not everyone does. Lawner grants free entry to a number of people, and the recently debuted Stardust Group allows twenty- and thirty-somethings the ability to access parties at a cheaper price point. It’s unclear how many people are actually buying in at the super elite level, but according to Lawner, at least someone out there is. Who, exactly, those people is still a mystery, though Lawner intimated that the owner of the hotel I met him at is a member, and noted that Fifty Shades producer Dana Brunetti has attended, and that the aforementioned GOOP profile may have come about after a well known GOOP founder appeared at the party.

Unfortunately, SNCTM events are closed to the press, so I wasn’t able to personally confirm any of Lawner’s claims, but a friend who attended reported back that the event did, in fact, live up to the hype, as do the handful of people who’ve commented on the club’s Yelp page. But in some ways, the marketing of the event is as important as the actual experience. Because as Lawner himself confirmed, luxury sex is rarely about sex itself.

For more proof that luxury sex is more about branding than it is about boning, I made my way to Babeland SoHo, the boutique sex shop where Beyonce and Jay-Z once dropped $6000 on sex toys (sources have informed me that the $3500 Lelo Olga dildo was among their purchases).

Although the Olga wasn’t in stock the day I visited Babeland, a number of other high-end vibes were available for purchase. The most expensive item I got my hands (yes, sadly, just my hands) on? Lelo’s gold-plated Yva, a $3900 variation on the classic Nea vibe; which, at present, can be purchased for $89.10.

What makes Yva “better” than Nea? Literally, just the gold plating, which replaces Nea’s hard plastic exterior. Both products have the same shape, interface, and inner workings; anything Yva can do, Nea can do cheaper. Granted, there’s something to be said for gold’s temperature sensitivity—the Yva is probably better than the Nea at sensation play—but whether that’s worth a 4000 percent markup on price is entirely up to you. (Or you can just take my word for it that it’s almost definitely not.)

If gold-plated vibrators leave you feeling like multi-thousand dollar vibes are for suckers, you’re not alone. But not every high-end sex product is quite so transparent a rip off. For just two or three thousand dollars more than the price of an Yva, you can get your very own made-to-order Dore Alley Bed from Stockroom.

Unlike the Yva, the Dore Alley Bed’s price point feels somewhat justified. It’s a beautiful, sturdy steel frame bed that wouldn’t feel out of place amidst the wares at a place like Design Within Reach—but unlike the similarly priced bed frames of DWR, the Dore Alley Bed can be converted into a fully functional BDSM dungeon with the addition of a few restraints or a sex swing.

Other “probably worth it” items from Stockroom? Custom latex and leather designs, which can easily cost thousands depending on how involved your vision gets. As with the Dore Alley Bed, much of what you’re paying for is the work that goes into crafting a bespoke piece of fetish equipment: and unlike the Yva, you’re actually getting a unique item unlike anything available at a lower price point.

Who's a good boy? Image courtesy of The Stockroom, Inc.

Feeling despondent over your inability to fork over thousands just for a sexual experience? Fortunately there are some ways to get access to the the upper echelons of eroticisim for cheap or free—at least in the case of SNCTM. “If I feel like someone should be be at the club but can’t afford it, then I make sure that they can attend. Even if it means a free ticket, which is often,” Lawner says.

Though free entry is generally reserved for women—in particular, those who are young, hot, and sexually uninhibited—some men do make the cut. Lawner told me of one gentleman who managed to score repeated free entry to SNCTM, who he describes as, “just this beautiful, Brazilian guy. He’s this perfect gentleman, his body is amazing, he’s got a big dick—he’s like every girl’s fucking dream. And no ego,” as well as stamina rarely seen outside a porn set.

“He was on the bed, and there must have been ten women in a row," he said. "One would come on to his face, and the other would be fucking him, and then the next one would come off the face—it was like this rotation of women. He was just there to pleasure women. It went on for two hours. He stayed hard, he didn’t come, he was just a pleasure toy.”

Not a gorgeous sex machine yourself? Then just take comfort in the knowledge that, while it may be possible to buy yourself a better orgasm, the return on investment maxes out at a pretty low price point. Once you get into the luxury sex territory, you’re largely paying for design, aesthetic, and the knowledge that yes, you’re a person who can spend thousands of dollars on sex. If that’s your kink, it might well be worth it—but personally, I’m gonna save my cash for that Dore Alley bed.

Luxury Week is a series about our evolving views of what constitutes luxury. Follow along here.

from How the Kinky and Rich Get Off

Is 'Sexting Addiction' a Real Thing?

Earlier this week, ex-congressman and documentary star Anthony Weiner wound up in the papers once more, his extramarital sexting back in the public eye for the third time in five years. Given all the story’s elements—Sex! Technology! Self-destructive behavior!—it was only a matter of time until Weiner’s woes became fodder for a bit of handwringing about the way we live now. Indeed, it only took a few hours for reporters to start asking if Weiner’s tale was a sign that sexting might actually be addictive.

If your automatic reaction to that question is to roll your eyes, you’re not alone. Mental health experts cited by The Wrap noted that “[s]exting, like drug use, leads to a rush of dopamine in the brain,” but since the exact same thing can be said about cupcakes, that’s not particularly compelling science. Given how many of us manage to sext responsibly, it’s hard to see filthy texts as some sort of time bomb waiting to destroy civilization.

Yet at the same time, Weiner’s descent into sext-fueled self destruction makes it hard to deny that sexting seems to have the potential to unlock something sort of dangerous, at least in a select group of people. So what, exactly, is going on, and is it something we should worry about?

"Our society is overly prone towards both technophobia and fear and condemnation of sex."

To find out, I turned to Dr. Eve, the South African sex therapist who literally wrote the book on cyber infidelity. Right from the outset, Eve rejects the notion of “sexting addiction,” telling me that the addiction model is an unhelpful way to understand people who, like Weiner, seem helpless in the face of their self-destructive sexual compulsions. We shouldn't define people with problematic sexting behaviors as “addicts,” with the easy pathology and rehab “cure” that that implies.

Eve said behavior that inspires claims of "sexting addiction" are more indicative of a hypersexual person engaging in “out of control behavior." What, exactly, does that mean? Broadly, Eve said, it’s often a sign that someone’s suffered a trauma that led the brain to be “dysregulated.” People with dysregulated brains lack the ability to regulate or healthily manage their emotions. Eve said that, “in order to deal with emotions, there is out of control behavior.”

Left untreated, those affected can “get to a stage where they just push the ‘fuck it’ button,” where their underlying pain is so bad that they continue to pursue destructive desires no matter the risks, because they’re incapable of considering other ways to manage their emotions and soothe their discomfort.

Image: Shutterstock

But does sexting, specifically, pose a greater danger to hypersexual people than good old fashioned infidelity? In some cases yes, though not because technology is somehow more addictive in and of itself. What’s actually at play here is that smartphones just make it really, really easy to engage in bad behavior. Eve cites the notion of the “triple A engine” of affordability, accessibility, and anonymity: sexting is cheap, easy, and distant enough from real life to feel free from consequences.

If you’re already primed to engage in out of control behavior, sexting offers a pretty immediate outlet. While a pre-internet Weiner might have been forced to leave his house and rent a porn flick, or go through the work of setting up an appointment with an escort, in the modern era, the capability for self-destruction is always present (even, as Weiner’s pictures proved, when your kid is taking a nap).

But ultimately sexting “addiction,” like most sex tech panics, is something of an overblown idea. “Our society is overly prone towards both technophobia and fear and condemnation of sex,” said David Ley, author of The Myth of Sex Addiction. “As people employ this technology in sexual ways, the combination leads, inevitably, to these modern kinds of moral panics,” with all the attendant scare pieces employing lines about dopamine rushes to make us fear for our ability to control our behavior.

Yet most of us are able to sext, or watch porn, or engage in other online sexual outlets in a responsible and healthy way, finding pleasure in the experience without completely losing ourselves in compulsion. For that hypersexual minority with a tendency towards bad behavior, the story is different, and potentially deeply damaging. And while it’s tempting to hold up men like Anthony Weiner as some sort of cautionary tale of sexting gone too far, it’s important to remember that most of us aren’t Anthony Weiner.

And for those who are? Dr. Eve advises against making an appointment at your local addiction clinic, urging self-destructive sexters to seek out a good healthcare provider who can help work through issues without piling on shame.

“I have compassion for [Weiner],” she told me. “He’s acting out and letting people know that he’s struggling.” Hopefully that struggle won’t get ignored in the media’s rush to chalk this up to the evils of sex and smartphones—though when buzzwords like “sexting addiction” are on the table, it’s all too easy for us to avoid looking deeper at the real issues of how we collectively deal with the topics of sex, shame, and mental health.

As Ley said, “The social reaction to Weiner is more revealing of our social fear of sex, violations of monogamy, and technology, and our lack of ability to consider these complex issues in a world that wants simplistic, reductionistic answers like ‘he's an addict.’”

from Is 'Sexting Addiction' a Real Thing?